Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
