You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
