All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
