I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
