We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Everclear isn't food dammit
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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