I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
