i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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