Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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