i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
farters have to be the big spoon...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
