Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
