Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
