yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
