i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
