I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
