do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
