They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You may now shotgun with the bride
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize