Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
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It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
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After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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