I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
