Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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