whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
