I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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