fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
