Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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