I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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