Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
