its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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