How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
