a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize