That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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