its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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