Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
