those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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