Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
