i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
