Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
