i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I deserve this hangover.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
