i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
