I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
