I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
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Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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