dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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