maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
