dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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