The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize