i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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