You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
