:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
