I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
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I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
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Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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