Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
