I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
