i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I cut my penus on the lid.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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