how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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