It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
