i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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