I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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