now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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