Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
