Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
