I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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