I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
