made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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