Duck Duck Cougar?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
operation have a gay friend backfired
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
