Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
