12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
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Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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