Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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